Do I Believe In God?

The following article is the story of how Art changed the life of the author who claims to have had big problems in his life. Story about how a wimpy kid received the enlightenment of Buddha. The story isn’t intended for a funny read, but you are not restricted to laugh.

Thivyan Madhavan has recently joined evam Standup Tamasha as a Project Manager. Though he did his MBA, he aspires to be a writer, movie maker, producer, performer, standup comic, poet and director. He is so crazy about arts that he learned Karate and kickboxing because it read Martial ‘arts’.

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Everyone who quits the corporate world and moves on to do something more meaningful complains about the corporate life, saying “how mechanical it was!”. But I do not intend to blame corporate world for my mistakes. Every minute I spent in that mechanical life was spent by me. If at all I need to blame someone, that should be me. I made the decision to stay the next day with the hope to see some change in the mechanical life, which never happened. With a high level of education comes bigger hopes! Big plans for future to protect me from a mediocre life! Planning a future where I would be recognized for all my hard work!

I always expected life to be a winning race, no matter how long I had to run. However, that’s not how reality works. Reality takes the avatar of Fate and puts you down. Puts you down such that you’d rather stay there than try to get up again. Sometimes people call it, ‘settle with what you have’. Life did that to me too. Life made me see the dark side and put me down more than once. Too many hurts, too much to worry about and way too many disappointments. It was the pain and the disappointment all 22-24 year old goes through at that age. I was facing reality, but I couldn’t accept that as the reality. I knew it wasn’t ‘my’ reality.

After years of hurt, when my feelings were numb and I’d lost all hope on human beings around me, I decided to put my faith on something more materialistic than my feelings. People suggested meditation, vacation, hobbies, even God. Trust me I tried and nothing worked, not even God. So then I settled with something of my choice, Art. I always had an inclined interest towards writing. I started writing and I found unconditional love towards it. I had no idea what future lay for me, but I started writing. Short story, articles, marriage wishes – I was getting addicted to writing so I started searching for opportunities to write whenever and wherever possible.

Writing changed my attitude, my character and it was more effective than meditation. I realized that Art in the form of writing was changing me from inside. It was the medicine I needed and I knew I was recovering from all the pain and suffering. I saw a bright light at the end of the tunnel. My first opportunity in the world of Arts knocked my door, I became a part of evam Entertainment, a performance Arts company. Art changed me… People started trusting me again. My employers in evam trusted me, I was allowed to walk on the stage, move set properties, read lines to the actors. I sensed what life feels like for the first time…

It did not last long though. I was put down by fate (or my lack of courage). I was scared I would not be able to walk on the stage again. However, I did not lose hope. I knew that once Art comes into your, it never fades. It follows you everywhere, even to the darkest places… It did. Two years later, I got hired by evam as a full timer and I was again blessed to walk on the stage, move the set properties… My life felt real again.

Something at this point made me wonder about the impact ‘Art’ leaves on people. I watched people walk into auditoriums to watch live performances despite knowing that it’s live but fictional. How blessed are these people to be able to watch Art being performed just a few meters away from the stage! But then, how much ever blessed they are, there is another set of people who can actually be on the stage. Are they blessed equally to be a part of the Art world? No, they are more blessed.

I started seeing only two kinds of people – People who are blessed enough to be able to buy tickets for a theatre show. Lucky to be there – right place, right time to enjoy a piece of life shared by various Artists AND people who are more blessed to be a part of the show, people who create ‘Art’.

Do you realize that a play, a piece of writing, a movie, music or any other form of Art is purely fictional? The actors are merely acting and repeating the dialogues written by someone? Now here is the irony. If something, not-so-true can make you sad, happy, laugh and cry, can it be any truer? Art is so pure that it can touch your soul and reshape it as you want. I understood why people walk into shows, concerts, movies… Not only to enjoy and relax, but to get cleansed inside.

The one misunderstanding we all have towards Art is that an Art is being created by an artist. An artist doesn’t create Art. An artist is only a medium for the Art to project itself. Art creates an artist, from within. It is not the gift of an artist to his audience, but a gift of Art to the artist. I knew I became an artist when I wrote my first poem, it might not have been great but it made my English lecturer remember me as a writer even after two years. Then years later when I resumed writing to keep me alive, I knew Art loved me. I kept writing everything from articles to movie script, Art kept me going and before I knew it, I was living a new life that I had only dreamt of in the past.

I know now that this is my reality. The reality created by my hobby or God or Art – I believe it to be Art. Art created not only an Artist-me but also me as a person. My soul was recreated, my life was adjusted, my feelings were redefined and my career was fixed.

Life is so funny. As much as it likes to take the avatar of Fate and put you down, it also loves to take the avatar of Destiny to choose your right path. You only need to do one thing, believe in what you do. I did believe, and from a mediocre corporate life where I had a sneak peak of Standup comedy on a small YouTube window, I am now in a position where I manage and organize Standup shows. Life is very funny indeed.

When I informed my friends and family about the surprising change in my life, most of them had one common idea, ‘God blessed you’ ‘God never left your side’ ‘God never fails true belief’ – God, the Supreme Entity, creator, protector and the destroyer of evil. Well, that’s exactly what Art did to me. Created me, protected me and in the process Art is also destroying the evil in me.

Do I believe in God? Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t consider myself worthy enough to question the existence of the Supreme Entity. However, I know this… I believe in Art.